I’m sinking. Wilting. Fading fast. Whatever you want to call it. I’m overwhelmed and I’m not even sure by what. I have too much to do but no motivation to even start. So I don’t do anything. Or I do the things I want to do, but only the ones that I don’t think will take up too much time.
It’s a lot like when I had a project due at school. I would pick up my clothes because it only took a few minutes, so I could put off working without feeling too bad about it. Until I had so much to do that even the easy things would slide. I know it’s getting bad when I stop making my bed. Like this morning. Even a venti latte from Starbucks could not pull me out of my funk.
It’s crazy – I’m doing all these fun things that I enjoy, and I should be having a great time. I see friends, I join groups, I go for walks and on adventures. But when I wake up in the morning, I feel like a zombie. All the fun on the weekends means that I have to fit in chores after work, and my lovely commute pushes that back about 40 minutes. So if it’s cloudy, I don’t have sunlight left to run when I get home even if I DO find the motivation to do that.
I’m having trouble balancing the things I need to do with the things I want to do.
Want: write blog posts; Need: do laundry
Want: learn new things by listening to radio programs and podcasts, reading blogs and books; Need: Sleep
Want: go running; Need: eat
Want: make healthy meals; Need: drive home from work
Want: read a book (did you know that I can’t remember the last time I read a book! From the kid who habitually ran into kids in the hallway because I had my nose in a book, that’s pretty awful); Need: wash the dishes
Want: travel; Need: go to work.
I need a better way to make time for the things that I want without always feeling like I’m drowning in the things I need to do. And perhaps I need to re-prioritize the things in my life that I want and need to do – to minimize in my whole life, not just my possessions (which I haven’t been doing, by the way). Uggh.