Wilting

Wilted Rose

I’m sinking. Wilting. Fading fast.  Whatever you want to call it.  I’m overwhelmed and I’m not even sure by what.  I have too much to do but no motivation to even start.  So I don’t do anything.  Or I do the things I want to do, but only the ones that I don’t think will take up too much time.

It’s a lot like when I had a project due at school.  I would pick up my clothes because it only took a few minutes, so I could put off working without feeling too bad about it.  Until I had so much to do that even the easy things would slide.  I know it’s getting bad when I stop making my bed.  Like this morning.  Even a venti latte from Starbucks could not pull me out of my funk.

It’s crazy – I’m doing all these fun things that I enjoy, and I should be having a great time.  I see friends, I join groups, I go for walks and on adventures.  But when I wake up in the morning, I feel like a zombie.  All the fun on the weekends means that I have to fit in chores after work, and my lovely commute pushes that back about 40 minutes.  So if it’s cloudy, I don’t have sunlight left to run when I get home even if I DO find the motivation to do that.

I’m having trouble balancing the things I need to do with the things I want to do.

Want: write blog posts; Need: do laundry

Want: learn new things by listening to radio programs and podcasts, reading blogs and books; Need: Sleep

Want: go running; Need: eat

Want: make healthy meals; Need: drive home from work

Want: read a book (did you know that I can’t remember the last time I read a book!  From the kid who habitually ran into kids in the hallway because I had my nose in a book, that’s pretty awful); Need: wash the dishes

Want: travel; Need: go to work.

I need a better way to make time for the things that I want without always feeling like I’m drowning in the things I need to do.  And perhaps I need to re-prioritize the things in my life that I want and need to do – to minimize in my whole life, not just my possessions (which I haven’t been doing, by the way).  Uggh.

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3 thoughts on “Wilting

  1. Rachel says:

    Hey Saretta! I just found your blog when I actually checked my Google+ 🙂 This is totally the kind of stuff I’ve been struggling with while finishing my PhD. I’ve found the book “Getting Things Done” has actually been really helpful (when I’m feeling particularly ambitious) for me to start working on big projects and to have a better system for organizing my thoughts to feel a little less exhausted at the end of the day. Although, there is that whole problem of getting the time to read books too!

    Rachel

  2. Jo says:

    Oh do I ever feel you.

    I combat this with instantly going into “do” mode when I get home for about half an hour, and then I collapse and do whatever I want. Sometimes I just wimp out and don’t even do the wants. But I have clean-ish clothes and food. Sometimes.

  3. Whitney says:

    I feel you. I found myself standing in the middle of the house several times lately with a blank stare on my face, thinking of things I could do but ultimately deciding that I didn’t want to do anything. When in doubt I walk the dog 🙂

    Maybe you need a reward system. Do a “need” get a “want”.

    Or maybe u need a mental break. Don’t do the dishes, laundry or anything for a day…trust me it’s not going anywhere 😉 Maybe after revolting a little, you wont mind it as much.

    Hang in there!

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